Despite starting classes for many different reasons and with varying levels of experience and knowledge, I have found that we all seem to have one thing in common: we are all prone to worries and feelings of self-doubt. Anxieties and concerns may fluctuate but they are always there, lurking in the background.
Having spoken to many students over the years I have also found that on the whole we seem to share the same concerns:
– “I will never be able to learn this!”
– “I can’t remember the names – surely it can’t be back-stepping tiger? Or is it? Am I shooting a golden eagle? Or swallow? What am I warding off? It’s something about a crane in a stream?”
– “Everyone is learning quicker than me/ sinking lower/ stepping more gracefully…”
– “I’m too old.”
– “I’m being corrected all the time/ I haven’t been corrected at all.”
– “If I want to progress I’m going to have to invest far more time than I thought I would; how much time will I have to spend?”
– “I’m going to miss a few classes; how will I catch up?” (simple answer – you will, you really will)
– “I can’t punch or kick – I might hurt someone and I’m not that sort of person.”
And my own pet worry when I began: “Oh my God, I’m in THAT LEFT CORNER, setting the pace for the group…I’m going to lead them all bravely into disarray and chaos…”
I think the first thing to realise is that for most of us the moves and steps are unfamiliar. It’s not like trying to learn a game we have all grown up watching or playing at school. I came to my first class having no idea what to expect and that feeling is still with me, but I have learnt that not knowing how a class may unfold is not a bad thing – it’s exciting and keeps us more alert and focused.
On a practical level, I think the biggest tip is this: take notes. As soon as possible, preferably the same evening, write down what you remember, even it if is half a name. Make a note of what you were corrected on, what you weren’t sure of, even what you did in class. Better still, practise: it doesn’t have to be an hour or two, it might be enough to just go over the new steps, or review a Qigong movement that you particularly liked. You could try and see how the name may apply to the move. If you aren’t sure what you were corrected on, double check with your teacher what it was you were doing.
Realising that standing in wuji – the posture with which the form starts – wasn’t just about hanging around trying not to fidget was quite a good way of overcoming anxiety; just standing still for a few minutes, breathing deeply into the centre, getting rid of the day’s anxieties. A friend of mine once told me to take those few minutes to figure out what I want to learn and what is stopping me from learning. He had a point I had not really ever considered, and it helped me focus on actually learning and remembering.
I also think a few minutes of peace and quiet before class does wonders, and when possible I try to walk part of the way to class. Other people have told me that they will take a longer route to class to avoid taking the tube as that distances them even further from a feeling of calm.
As for the rest:
– No, you are not too old. In fact, a friend of mine recently told me she saw a rather elderly gentleman standing in “horse stance” in an airport! (For total beginners: horse stance is a stance which requires quite some strength and flexibility to maintain!)
– If we are not being corrected – maybe it’s because we are actually doing something right!
– Don’t worry about comparing yourself to others – everyone progresses differently. Save that energy for focussing on what you want to learn and what you are doing.
– The martial aspects of Tai Chi are not about mindless violence; people won’t think badly of you for delivering a well-controlled strike!
As for THAT CORNER…
Well it turned out to be the best learning device – out of sheer horror at the thought of getting caught up in an infinite march of Part the Wild Horse’s Mane into eternity and beyond, I ended up practising more. I won’t lie – I was full of anxiety, but after a few times my confidence grew. I realised I did have an idea of what I was doing, and most importantly that when I did make a mistake no one judged me.